Holy Humor Sunday
April 7, 2024
God’s anger was kindled
because (Balaam) was going, and the angel of the Lord took his stand in the
road as his adversary. Now he was riding on the donkey, and his two servants
were with him. The donkey saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road,
with a drawn sword in his hand; so, the donkey turned off the road, and went
into the field; and Balaam struck the donkey, to turn it back onto the
road.
Then the angel of
the Lord stood
in a narrow path between the vineyards, with a wall on either side. When
the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it scraped against the wall, and scraped
Balaam’s foot against the wall; so he struck it again. Then the angel of
the Lord went
ahead, and stood in a narrow place, where there was no way to turn either to
the right or to the left. When the donkey saw the angel of the Lord, it lay down
under Balaam; and Balaam’s anger was kindled, and he struck the donkey with his
staff.
Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and it said to Balaam, “What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?” Balaam said to the donkey, “Because you have made a fool of me! I wish I had a sword in my hand! I would kill you right now!” But the donkey said to Balaam, “Am I not your donkey, which you have ridden all your life to this day? Have I been in the habit of treating you this way?” And he said, “No.” Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam, and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the road, with his drawn sword in his hand; and he bowed down, falling on his face.
Have you ever heard of this one? It is the story of a talking donkey! It is one of the wildest tales of the Jewish Bible. A Gentile prophet named Balaam is riding his animal along. The donkey sees a fierce angel ahead and turns off the road. Balaam whips the donkey. And God gives the gift of speech to the donkey. It’s in the Book.
Animals don’t speak in the Bible. There’s a talking snake in the Garden of Eden, sly and sneaky, cursed to slither on the ground after leading Adam and Eve astray. But that happened a long time ago in a land far away. Balaam’s donkey is a different case, empowered under stress.
Those of us who spend time with animals can pick up their ability to communicate. There’s a cat lover that insists her felines speak telepathically. Don’t know if that is true, but I’ve noticed many cats play mind games. Some of you know there are two springer spaniels in our home; they tell us clearly what they want. Pippa is the older one, clearly more dominant. Oakley is younger, a big galoot. He will often appear to tell, “Pippa says it’s time to go outside.” After a quick jaunt, he appears at the back door to say, “Pippa wants us to come in now.” Half an hour later, they are at it again.
A young woman says her favorite conversationalist is her goldfish. Every available moment, she’s staring into the goldfish’s eye. Ask what she’s doing; the answer: “Picking up messages.” In the Shenandoah Valley of Virginia, there is somebody who claims to be a horse whisperer. I don’t doubt it. For those with ears to hear, our animals communicate.
But this Bible story almost sounds like one of the collected accounts of Dr. Dolittle. Remember him? That was the fictional British physician who claimed to talk with the animals.
In case, let’s explore this Bible story which one Princeton scholar calls, “the funniest in the Old Testament.”[1] It comes from the wilderness stories after Moses led the Israelites out of Egypt. They were making their way through Moab, somewhere east of the Dead Sea. Someone told King Balak that there were a gazillion Israelites trudging across his land. He got nervous. He said, “They will overwhelm me as an ox licks up the grass of the field. So, he sent for a world-renowned prophet named Balaam to come and help him out.
Balaam lived far off, near the River Euphrates. It was a great distance away. But he was famous. And he was expensive. King Balak sent a lot of money and said, “I want to buy a prophet who has the power to curse these trespassing Israelites.” I guess it was a lot of money because he got Balaam’s attention. He sent his messengers and told them to say, “These people are swarming me, so come and curse them. Folks say when you curse somebody, they stay cursed – and that’s what I need you to do.”
Balaam says, “Let me sleep on the matter and give you God’s answer in the morning.” During the night, God said, “Don’t you curse my people! They are blessed.” So, after his first cup of coffee, Balaam said, “Emissaries, go home.” They depart, return a long distance back to Moab, and report to their king.
King Balak tried again. He sent higher ranking officials across the land, sending piles of money, declaring he would pay anything to have the Israelites cursed. Again, Balaam says he will sleep on it. He adds, “I cannot do what the Lord doesn’t want me to do.” That night, God says to Balaam, “If they have come to summon you, get up and go with them, but don’t say anything other than what I say.” In the morning, Balaam gets out of bed, saddles the donkey, and sets off with the nobles of Moab.
But then we have a problem. According to the story, God gets angry. God blows a gasket. Was there a change of the Divine Mind? Did Balaam garble the Holy Message from Headquarters. It’s not real clear, but one scholar points out that Balaam the Gentile Prophet stepped over a little bitty word in God’s Message. The word was “if.” “If they have come to summon you…” As the scholar points out, there’s no real summons. Balaam just goes. He follows the money.
This detail was not lost on the early church. The apostles talked about Balaam as a bad example. The consensus was he was consumed by greed. In the Second Letter of Peter, Balaam “loved the wages of doing wrong.”[2] According to the letter of Jude, he “committed error for the sake of gain.”[3] Even in the Book of Revelation, Balaam taught King Balak to lead the people of Israel to moral and spiritual destruction.[4] Was he a bad dude? Perhaps. At least he was tainted, compromised, and a good bit suspect.
And that brings us to the comedy of the story. Here he is, the world-famous Gentile prophet, and he’s riding a donkey across the sands of Mesopotamia. Not an expensive, big white horse, but a farm animal. Clip, clop, hoppity hop, the guy who supposedly can make his curses stick. God is annoyed at him. God is going to stop him.
We are told that God sends an angel to block the road. The angel stands there with a big sharp sword. The donkey sees the angel swinging a sword and veers off the road. Balaam hits the donkey rather severely, then steers the beast back onto the road. The angel comes again, this time blocking a narrow passage through a vineyard. The donkey veers again, crushing Balaam’s foot. That provokes the Gentile prophet to whack him again. Then the angel appeared a third time, causing the donkey to drop to the ground. Balaam loses his cool and beats the donkey severely.
This is when God gives speech to the donkey. The donkey says, “What do you think you are doing? You’ve hit me three times.” Balaam says, “Well, you are messing with me! If I had a sword, I would stick it in your side.” The donkey spoke up again and said, “Haven’t I been good to you before? Can’t I be trusted? Have I ever done anything like this to you?” And Balaam must admit, “No.”
That is when God opened Balaam’s sight. He sees the angel and falls face-first into the dirt. The angel of the Lord said, “Why are you beating up the donkey? Knock it off. I stand against you because your way is perverse.” Balaam grovels, repents, says, “If you wish, I will turn around and go home.” And the angel said, “You can go with these men, but only say the words that I give you to say.”
Finally, the world-famous curser Balaam meets King Balak out in the boundary country. Balak is accustomed to people coming whenever he calls on them – especially if he throws money at them. But Balaam says, “So here I am. But am I able to say any fool thing? I can say only the Word that God puts in my mouth.”
Well, this is the story. It is an odd one, and it goes on a good bit more. And what in the world is the point of all that? Does anybody want to offer insight?
Chris: “I think it means Don’t Beat Up Your Animals.”
Yes, that’s always a good idea. Cruelty is always wrong. Always. But what else does the story say?
Chris: “Grace thinks that it says, ‘Some animals are more obedient than humans.’”
Well, that’s certainly true. Dogs and donkeys, to be sure. Maybe not cats.
Chris: “Judy has a cat. Sometimes her cat sees things that mere humans cannot see.”
Not only do cats have nine lives. They have a sixth sense. Animals probably see angels better than the rest of us. And there is more Mystery around us than what our human eyes see or perceive.
But there’s one more thing that we haven’t said yet. This story is all about the power of words. The power to bless or curse. The power to speak the truth to power – or simply speak the truth to say, ‘Hey, there’s an angel standing in the middle of our street.” The power to speak on behalf of God, for the benefit of God’s own people.
Chris: “So there’s one more thing that the story tells us.”
What’s that?
Chris and Friends: “Thanks to the power of God, any donkey can preach!”
True enough.
Thanks be to God.
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