Holy Halitosis

Bishop W.G. Mildew and Slowtu B. Leave

First Presbyterian Church, Clarks Summit, PA is one of many congregations that observe Holy Humor Sunday the week after Easter.  What follows below is A Chancel Drama co-written and presented by Jim Thyren and Bill Carter.  It followed a scripture reading from the Gospel of John,Chapter 20, verses 19-24.

Nate:  There are some conversations that didn’t get written in the Bible. And this might be one of them…between the disciples Nathanael and Thomas. 

Nate: Thomas, where have you been? We’ve all been hanging out together. 

Tom: Nathanael, I didn’t think that was such a great idea. I mean, if Judas told the authorities where to find us, don’t you think he gave them this location too?  Rounding you all up would be like netting fish in a barrel. So I decided to make myself scarce until things calmed down as the Passover celebrations drew to their close. 

Nate: Well, turns out they didn’t come after us, but you did miss a very important visitor.

Tom: And who might that be?

Nate: Jesus.

Tom: Who?

Nate: Jesus

Tom: Say that again!

Nate: Jesus!

Tom: No way!

Nate: Yes, the Way himself! I am telling the Truth. Our Life depends on it.

Tom: Okay, start from the beginning. Tell me everything that happened.

Nate: Well, you know how he is. He just showed up. Didn’t knock on the door…or use it that matter. He was just suddenly standing there, and the first thing he said was: “Peace be with you…”

Tom:  Peace? You mean the whole Shalom Alechem thing? That was his favorite greeting. Most people say good morning, or hi, or yo. Always Jesus loved to say “peace be with you.”
     
Nate:  Still does, apparently. Just like that night when he washed our feet. Remember that?

Tom:  Of course I do.

Nate:  “Peace I leave with you. My peace I give to you…:

Tom: Well, he didn’t leave us with a lot of peace that night. I still have nightmares of the whole evening: Judas selling him out, Peter swinging the sword, the soldiers arresting him, the trials, the crowds wanting Barabbas instead of the Lord – and then the way the whole thing ended. Too much for me to take. I can’t sleep.

Nate: Tom, he’s back. 

Tom: What do you mean he’s back?

Nate: He’s alive. Breathing. Looking better than ever.

Tom: Nate, he may have pegged you as a man without deceit, but that doesn’t mean you can’t be deceived.

Nate: No, Tom, he’s here.

Tom: Where?

Nate: Well, here… I guess he’s wherever he wants to be.

Tom: I find this impossible to believe. And I’ve about seen it all.

Nate: He showed us the holes in his hands and his side.

Tom: (pause). You’re kidding.

Nate: His wounds…from the crucifixion.

Tom: Ghosts don’t have wounds.

Nate: He’s not a ghost. Just like that night he sauntered across the water and jumped into the boat. Scared the life out of us, remember? I’m talking about Jesus, the real Jesus. Same Jesus. Same wounds in his wrists, same wounds in his ankles, and that big gash in his side. Remember?  John and the women told us all about that one.

Tom: Well, so much of this week’s stories come to us second hand. I still don’t believe it.

Nate: I understand. The rest of us are stunned, too. But it’s the same Jesus – alive! The wounds are the same that he endured last Friday. Inescapable! It took us a while to comprehend what we were seeing. Peter looked into his pomegranate juice, wondering if it was fermented. Andrew stammered, couldn’t find his words. James and John stood on each side of him to get a better look. Jesus laughed and said, “Stop staring.” The whole time, Mary Magdalene is over at the table, saying: “I told you so. I told you so.”

Tom: She can be so annoying. And this all sounds so impossible.

Nate: You know what they say: Nothing is impossible with God.

Tom: Yeah, but God is so invisible. I just can’t grasp any of this. Weren’t you all afraid?

Nate: Of course, we were. That’s why we were in that room. That’s why we locked the door.

Tom: Wait – the door was locked? Are you sure you weren’t seeing a ghost?

Nate: Listen, I saw him sneaking a piece of pita bread and dipping it in the hummus.

Tom: This is inconceivable.

Nate: Oh, I know. We were scared to death – of him, of his enemies, and then he has the audacity to say Shalom Alechem – peace be with all you. And it was him. I’d recognize that Voice anywhere. Never thought I’d hear it again. And there he was. And suddenly the laughter started bubbling up in our bellies. We were beside ourselves with joy. James and John were first. They started hootin’ and hollerin’ and stomping just like a thunderstorm. Mary Magdalene laughed so hard she farted. Matthew said, “Shh! Somebody is going to hear us.” Jesus waved him off, not a care in the world. Then he said a second time, “Shalom Alechem – peace be with all of you.” This time, it wasn’t a greeting. It was a gift.

Tom: Well, good for you. I’m glad you had that…experience. But do you think I can make any sense of this?

Nate: I tell you, Thomas, the room had changed. I don’t know how that happened. But the Word he spoke, it was like the first light of dawn, breaking through the gloom – yet inside that locked room. Peace, peace…in the middle of all that has happened. Later on, after he departed, Philip said, “It’s just as he promised, his peace is different than any peace the world can give. He’s alive, Thomas. Alive! That’s the truth of it. And that’s why the peace is so different, so real. It’s peace that stays with us. I saw him, the peace is still with me.

Tom: Well, good for you. It always came easier for you than for me. I tell you, unless I can poke my finger in his wounds and touch them myself, I’m not going to give into any of this. I need more proof.

Nate: But wait, there’s more!

Tom: I think you’ve told me enough.

Nate: Oh, wait ‘til you hear this. He lifted his hands and told us to get on with our work.

Tom: What?!

Nat: He said, “As the Father sent me, so I send all of you.”

Tom: Where?

Nat: What do you mean, ‘where’?

Tom: Where is he sending us?

Nate: Didn’t specify. Or rather, didn’t limit where we should go. But listen: how many times did he tell us and others that the Father had sent him?

Tom: Never kept track. Hundred times, maybe? It was a lot.

Nate: “As the Father sent me, so I send you…”

Tom: Well, that’s a bit troubling. Does he expect us to get arrested, beaten up, and crucified, just like him?

Nate: Oh, Thomas, get your head out of the dirt. Have you remembered nothing? How he lifted the little boy in Cana from his death bed? How he asked us to feed that huge, hungry crowd? How he took on all the nonsense of those dim-headed religious leaders? How he lived with us, laughed with us, challenged us – and how he kept forgiving us, leading us into the truth and life every step of the Way?

Tom: I thought all of that got buried with him, that the whole movement was over.

Nate: Not if he is alive again. He’s come to tell us to get on with his work. “As the Father sent me,” he said, “so I send all of you.”

Tom: Well, good for all of you. I wasn’t there. Sorry I missed all of that. And I tell you, not only do I doubt he’s alive, I doubt any of us could do his work like he did it.

Nate: Oh, Thomas. I’ll tell you one thing more. He showed up in a locked room, he wished us peace, he gave us peace, he showed us his wounds, and then – he took a big breath and puffed on us.

Tom: He…what?

Nate: He breathed on us…

Tom: What did his breath smell like? Fish? Stale Passover wine? Like he hadn’t brushed his teeth in three days? Holy Halitosis!

Nate: Oh, Thomas, ever the skeptic. As he breathed, he said, “Receive the Holy Ruach – the breath, the wind, the Spirit.” Right in our faces, a “breathe on me breath of God” moment. I was taken back to the beginning, when the Father scooped up some mud, formed an earth creature, and breathed life into its nostrils, and said, “Let there be Adam.” And I remembered dem bones, dem bones, dem dry bones, when all of Israel’s hope had been slaughtered. And God asked Ezekiel, “Can these bones live again?” Then God blew the breath, the holy wind, and the ankle bone connected to the shank bone, and the shank bone connected to the knee bone, and all those bones started dancing. It was because of the breath, the Holy wind, the Spirit of the Living God. It brings us alive – and Jesus breathed it on us.

Tom: What is that breath like?

Nate: It was earthy, pungent and fertile, kind of sweet and kind of strong. It smells like the scent of the first daffodils on a morning in Spring, the smell of a charcoal fire on an Autumn evening. It is invigorating, bracing like a winter wind or the summer breeze that fills the sail and powers a boat across the water.

Tom: Well, I don’t know. Sounds like you were in the right place at the right time, if, in fact, all of this is true.  But I wasn’t there. I can’t be sure.

Nate: Oh, Thomas, sweet, thoughtful Thomas, I agree it was a “had to be there” moment. But I’ll tell you this. Since Jesus is alive, since he can come and go where and how he wishes, there’s a very good chance he’s listening in on this conversation. He could show up at any moment, in any place, but he’s not going to sit around and wait to show us proof. He sends us to get on with life – his life – and to share that life with everybody we meet, loving, forgiving, offering ourselves to the needs of the world. He breathes that life on us, into us, through us, in spite of us, ahead of us… He’s alive. He’s still breathing…

Tom: I don’t know what to say… I guess I wish that I could feel some of that Spirit breath, too.

Nate: Be careful what you wish for. In any case, it’s been a week since we saw him. Why don’t you stop by for dinner tonight? You know the place. Knock three times. We’ll let you in, and we’ll lock the door behind you.

Tom:      Can I bring anything?

Nate:      Just an open mind…and an available heart.

Written by Bill Carter and Jim Thyren, April 2023